The Quran Convinced Me…

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If you were to examine my repertoire of videos available on my channel, you will notice that I am no stranger to criticizing Islam, something, I might add, that most content creators tend to shy away from. The first thing that alarmed me about your comment was that you highlighted the fact that you “understand some Arabic”, so you were completely convinced that what you had read in the Quran was something you were sure that no human could possibly conceive. If we were to assume that English is your first language based on the simple fact that your comment demonstrated a general use of written English and that maybe you are in the process of learning to read Arabic or were at one time, I don’t think it is farfetched to be in awe or even inspired by a tome such as the Quran. I imagine your experience to be like a person picking up their first Bible after taking a few lessons in English as a second language. I am sure that they would describe the book as a daunting, poetic piece of literature. They might even be inspired by the many stories and somewhat overarching theme of the collection. Of course, this is all speculation and I have no idea if any of this is even relatively close to your reality, however, there is a proverbial elephant in the room. If no human can say the things the Quran says, then who said it? Don’t tell me that you are one of those people that believes that Allah’s heavenly, majestic hand appeared out of a cloud and penned a book into existence. It is a book. That was written. By a human. 

I’m totally convinced!

I also wonder what eloquence you discovered in the Quran that was so linguistically exceptional that you were convinced by that alone. 

I wonder if it was the part that says not to waste your time trying to convince nonbelievers because Allah already placed a seal upon their hearts and predestined them for torment in eternal hellfire (Al Baqarah 2:6-7). So he created the majority of all humans who ever existed just to punish them eternally. That is linguistic fire.

Or that part about how while you are in hell Allah will continuously replenish your skin so that you can suffer repeatedly until the end of time (An Nisa 4:56)? Whew, Allah, now that’s the kind of psychopath I want on my telepathic speed dial. 

Perhaps it was the part about how if someone murders one of your slaves, you can murder one of their slaves (Al Baqarah 2:178)? That seems like a pretty fair process. They’re just slaves, right?

Or maybe it was the part about how you can have two or three or four wives (An Nisa 4:3)? Because why have just one when you can afford to have more. Given how much Allah approves of sex for men, I’m sure threesomes and foursomes are right up his alley. 

Or that part where Allah details how he cursed the Jews and hardened their hearts because they were all treacherous except for a few (Al Ma’idah 5:12-13)? You remember that old authoritarian dictator whose name I can’t say here or I will get demonetized who was from Germany during the 1930s and 40s and heavily influenced by Christianity? Well, who is to say he wasn’t reading a little bit of the Quran on the side if you’re catching my drift. 

Or that you cannot marry women who are already married unless they are slaves that you captured in war (An Nisa 4:24)? Forget about her husband, she is your property now.

It had to be the part instructing Muslims to fight the nonbelievers because Allah is on their side and promises a great victory (At Tawbah 9:14). That passage was so amazingly articulate that Osama Bin Laden quoted it in his “Letter to America” in an attempt to justify his actions for 9/11.

Maybe it was the part where Allah says that Jews and Christians are just envious because they know that Islam is the correct religion (Al Baqarah 2:109) and that you should mercilessly fight and destroy them unless they pay the Jizya and become second class citizens (At Tawbah 9:29)? You’re wrong and I’m right and you’re just jealous. Doesn’t that just sound like a playground squabble. Well, up until you get to the part about fighting and destroying them, unless they decide to pay taxes invented just for nonbelievers, specifically Jews and Christians who are supposed to be treated like peasants for not accepting Islam.

But what about the part that says Allah masterfully constructed the stars of the universe to be missiles intended to be thrown at devils (Al Mulk 67:5)? And the United States thought it was hot stuff when it developed the nuclear bomb. Don’t let the politicians get wind of this one. 

But, my all time favorite passage has to be the one you quoted in which the Quran issues a challenge to nonbelievers to create a book like the Quran, 10 chapters like it, or even just one chapter like it. It then goes onto say that no matter what you do, you can never create anything like the Quran. Now I could insert a bad joke here about how the Quran is such a terrible book that we wouldn’t want to regress as a society by literally completing this challenge, but I will take it in its intended context.

The Quran and people who believe in its divine nature hold that the book itself is a miracle and the actual challenge is to create something better than the Quran itself. I’d argue that this has already been performed by all of the literary greats, but I actually already did it years ago just because I wanted to add my name to the list of people that have done it. I also wanted to specifically say that I completed the challenge. Many people have completed the challenge unaware that they were doing so. I did it knowing that I did it with the intentions of rubbing it in because well, fuck Islam. If you are unfamiliar with that video of mine regarding my one chapter that is better than the entire Quran, there is no need to fret, I will present it once again.

I called it: The Aeolian Panacea

Question everything. Believe nothing and accept things only on evidence. Use Reason and Logic to reach all conclusions. The scientific method is the best tool there is–use it wisely. Value your fellow man above all else. That means no stoning, no beheading, no burning people alive, and especially no honor killing. Do nothing that will victimize your fellow man. Always try to promote positivity and help others. Recognize your own worth, but do not place it above your fellow man. You will respect and treat all human beings equally at all times no matter what. Do not force any beliefs you have on to anyone else. If you can’t demonstrate it with science, logic, or reason then it isn’t a belief worth having. Religions are forbidden. Worship is forbidden. Anything worthy of worship would never require or demand it. Governments can be corrupted and evil, therefore, if you must establish governments, they will be run by committees of citizens that are not allowed to have any ties to anyone that may corrupt them, nor can they accept any form of payment for their service. In all things that you do, act for the greater good of all humanity. Finally, just as you value your fellow man, you should value the earth. It is our home, your children’s home, our future, and our legacy.

This handcrafted passage to best the Quran’s challenge was conceived in less than 10 minutes and honestly, I didn’t even really have to think about it. Now listen, I know I blew the entire barbaric, misogynistic Quran out of the water, but I don’t even need you to worship me or claim that I must be a god for devising such an awe-inspiring passage. Perhaps just refrain from using this argument again. It’s really bad. Seriously, any elementary-aged child could come up with something better than the Quran if you just asked them how you should treat other people. 

Next, you proceeded to list the arguments that convinced you while specifically saying that “they might not convince you.” You dont say. 

The cosmological argument might have been one of my favorite arguments of all time at one time and that’s because on the surface of the argument it seems legitimate. The cosmological argument stems from our fundamental understanding of cause and effect. The conclusion of this argument is that given our understanding of causation, there must have been a first cause that set everything into motion. As aforementioned, it seems legitimate from the surface, however, upon closer inspection, a few things are glaringly apparent. The first is: what caused the first cause? If there is no cause for the first cause, then this violates the timeline of causality and is special pleading for the first cause to not be subjected to cause and effect, which ruins the entire premise of the argument. The second issue is that even if we accepted this argument, the argument itself is not evidence for a theistic God. It would require a huge leap of faith and a complete absence of evidence to invoke any of the Abrahamic deities as a first cause. Arguments are great philosophical thought processes, but the problem with being convinced by an argument is that you can just be convinced by a better argument later. You can’t base your beliefs, or your entire existence for that matter, on abstract philosophical concepts. Well, technically you could, but the odds are not in your favor. 

Furthermore, I find it appalling that people are still convinced by intelligent design arguments, but my channel’s focus is not to convince you otherwise. If you let go of your confirmation bias and seek out some information that contradicts your current view, there are thousands of hours of amazing content creators that have rigorously debunked that intelligent design argument that you might find suitable. You have access to near limitless information at your fingertips. Your ignorance in this matter is a choice. A choice that I am no longer entertaining. I find it terribly disappointing that you were convinced by little of substance on something that might be the most important and wide-reaching decision of your life, but there is no shortage of idiots on the internet. 

I would like to hear your thoughts on this comment in the comment section below. Were you convinced like he was?


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